ALEXANDRIA'S ALCHEMY
ALEXANDRIA'S ALCHEMY
The early stages of femininity often come with a naivety that can be easily exploited. In my entry “Options and Archetypes,” I discuss three core male archetypes related to emotional fulfillment and stability: the page, the emperor, and the king. These archetypes are inspired by chess pieces, as interactions with men often feel like a game of strategy.
The naïve feminine, however, is often unaware of this dynamic. Many women brush it off, saying, “I’m too old for games; why can’t I just be myself?” Yet these same women are frequently taken advantage of—losing out on time, beauty, money, and even potential—because they entered the arena unprepared. Awareness, not manipulation, is crucial. The reality is that relationships have always involved strategy, and I encourage women to approach them with their own best interests in mind, as men often do.
Men won’t hesitate to manipulate if it benefits them. Some may suggest you keep your looks “plain” to lower your appeal to other men, only to turn around and admire women who put effort into their appearance. They may push you to open up emotionally, then later use your vulnerability as leverage. In this world, your beauty is a form of currency, and your emotions can be weaponized if you’re not cautious.
Returning to strategy, I’ve observed specific traits in these archetypes. The “page” is the fun boy, the poacher, or the lover with little stability. The emperor might seem generous but often at a cost, exerting control and pushing compliance. True kings, however, are rare; they bring integrity, social standing, and the qualities women genuinely desire. Recognizing these types is essential, as a lack of awareness can lead to choices that compromise your well-being.
To start moving in your best interest, take a close look at the people in your life. Who can you call on in times of need? Who consistently supports and uplifts you? List every person you can truly rely on; this becomes your safety net. If someone doesn’t make that list, their role in your life may need re-evaluation. Naivety often leads to misplaced value on people who contribute little, causing some to neglect those who truly care in favor of a “page” or a fleeting “emperor.”
Assess who adds value to your life and who appreciates you for who you are. I’ve seen friends risk everything for men who couldn’t support them when it counted. Men who played games while the women lost out. Don’t fall into that trap. This is where self-concept is essential—it allows you to honor your past, act intentionally in the present, and shape your future self.
Set standards, boundaries, and non-negotiables. Know the rules of your game and the cost of losing. Are you someone who lowers your standards for “pages” or enables those who can’t support you, or are you a woman whose boundaries allow only the highest caliber of partners to approach? Choose with clarity.
Here’s a practical guide for assessing men when it comes to safety, security, and emotional fulfillment. This process is grounded in self-awareness, clear standards, and careful observation, helping you to identify qualities that align with your needs and values.
Step 1: Define Your Standards, Boundaries, and Non-Negotiables
Start by identifying what safety, security, and emotional fulfillment mean to you. Establish your standards and make a list of dealbreakers to help you navigate relationships with intention.
Safety: What behaviors or qualities make you feel physically and emotionally safe? Examples include respect for boundaries, emotional stability, and consistent communication.
Security: What level of financial, emotional, and lifestyle security do you need? Determine if qualities like responsibility, dependability, and a stable job are essential for you.
Emotional Fulfillment: Identify the emotional qualities you need. Look for a partner who is communicative, supportive, empathetic, and genuinely interested in your growth and well-being.
Step 2: Observe Actions Over Words
Pay close attention to his actions, especially over time. Actions tend to be a more reliable indicator of character than words.
Consistency: Look for someone who keeps their promises and follows through on commitments. If he says he’ll do something, does he follow up?
Respect for Boundaries: Notice if he respects your boundaries. A trustworthy partner will not pressure or guilt you into doing things that make you uncomfortable.
Emotional Availability: Assess his willingness to discuss emotions honestly and openly. Does he validate your feelings, or does he deflect or invalidate them?
Step 3: Assess His Approach to Communication
Good communication is foundational for safety and emotional fulfillment in any relationship.
Clear and Open Communication: Notice if he communicates openly and clearly. Someone willing to discuss concerns without becoming defensive is more likely to handle conflicts constructively.
Empathy and Active Listening: Pay attention to how he listens. Does he make an effort to understand you, or is he quick to make everything about himself?
Conflict Resolution: Observe how he reacts during disagreements. Does he work to resolve conflicts respectfully, or does he resort to blame, manipulation, or stonewalling?
Step 4: Gauge His Level of Stability
Stability—both emotional and financial—often contributes to a secure relationship.
Financial Stability: Financial responsibility is an indicator of a stable lifestyle. This doesn’t necessarily mean wealth but rather an ability to manage resources wisely.
Emotional Stability: Look for signs of emotional maturity, such as handling stress healthily, avoiding impulsive decisions, and not lashing out in anger.
Supportive Network: Does he have a healthy support system, such as friends, family, or mentors? This can indicate that he has a balanced life and is not solely reliant on you for emotional support.
Step 5: Observe How He Values and Prioritizes You
A man who genuinely cares about your well-being will show you through his behavior.
Effort and Investment: Note whether he makes an effort to spend quality time with you and to get to know you on a deeper level.
Support for Your Goals: A reliable partner will encourage and support your ambitions and interests. Avoid men who minimize or discourage your goals.
Generosity and Reciprocity: Notice if he is generous with his time, attention, and resources. A partner who contributes to your happiness and well-being without expecting something in return shows genuine care.
Step 6: Identify Red Flags Early
Be on the lookout for behaviors that signal a lack of safety, security, or emotional availability.
Manipulation: Beware of gaslighting, guilt-tripping, or using your vulnerabilities against you. These tactics are indicators of toxic behavior.
Inconsistent Effort: If his attention and behavior change suddenly, he might not be invested in a serious relationship.
Lack of Accountability: Avoid men who deflect responsibility for their actions, refuse to apologize, or continually blame others for their problems.
Step 7: Conduct a “Safety Net” Inventory
Ask yourself whether this person genuinely adds value to your life and assess your other relationships.
Support and Reliability: Can you rely on him in difficult times? If not, reconsider his role in your life.
Genuine Encouragement: Does he uplift you, or do you feel drained and unappreciated around him?
Assess Your Safety Net: Keep a list of people who genuinely support you and provide guidance. If he doesn’t align with the standards of this list, it may be a sign he isn’t adding value to your life.
Step 8: Review and Reassess Regularly
Relationships evolve, and so should your approach to assessing their alignment with your values and needs. Regularly check in with yourself to ensure that your standards, boundaries, and non-negotiables are being respected and met.
Step 9: Assess His Reputation
Reputation serves as a window into how he interacts within his community, past relationships, and friendships. Here’s how to evaluate it effectively:
Consider the Opinions of Trusted People: Talk to people whose judgment you trust. Friends, family, or mutual acquaintances who know him can offer a balanced perspective on his character and how he treats others.
Past Relationship Patterns: If he has a history of repeated negative behaviors in relationships (like manipulation, infidelity, or neglect), take this seriously. Be cautious of dismissing these patterns as “just the past”; past behaviors often reappear, especially if unaddressed.
Social and Professional Reputation: Notice how he is regarded in social settings and at work. If he has a poor reputation for integrity, reliability, or how he treats colleagues, this may reflect his overall character. Positive reputations often indicate that he values respect and fairness with everyone, not just in romantic relationships.
Observe How He Talks About Others: Does he speak poorly about exes, friends, or colleagues? If so, this may signal a lack of accountability or empathy, which can impact your relationship over time. A person who respects others and doesn’t badmouth them tends to be more emotionally mature and reliable.
Evaluate How He Handles Criticism: Someone with a positive reputation often accepts constructive criticism gracefully. However, if he’s defensive, or if others frequently mention that he doesn’t take feedback well, it could be a sign of deeper issues with accountability.
Verify Consistency Over Time: Sometimes, people may put on a “good front” early in a relationship. Observe whether his behavior aligns with the reputation he has over time. If there’s a disconnect, investigate it carefully before becoming deeply involved.
Avoid Reputation Blind Spots: Don’t ignore or downplay negative information due to attraction or potential chemistry. If multiple people who don’t know each other raise the same red flags, it’s worth paying attention to.
EVOLUTION AND RESPECTING YOUR TRUE CIRCLE
The early stages of femininity often come with a naivety that can be easily exploited. In my entry “Options and Archetypes,” I discuss three core male archetypes related to emotional fulfillment and stability: the page, the emperor, and the king. These archetypes are inspired by chess pieces, as interactions with men often feel like a game of strategy.
The naïve feminine, however, is often unaware of this dynamic. Many women brush it off, saying, “I’m too old for games; why can’t I just be myself?” Yet these same women are frequently taken advantage of—losing out on time, beauty, money, and even potential—because they entered the arena unprepared. Awareness, not manipulation, is crucial. The reality is that relationships have always involved strategy, and I encourage women to approach them with their own best interests in mind, as men often do.
Men won’t hesitate to manipulate if it benefits them. Some may suggest you keep your looks “plain” to lower your appeal to other men, only to turn around and admire women who put effort into their appearance. They may push you to open up emotionally, then later use your vulnerability as leverage. In this world, your beauty is a form of currency, and your emotions can be weaponized if you’re not cautious.
Returning to strategy, I’ve observed specific traits in these archetypes. The “page” is the fun boy, the poacher, or the lover with little stability. The emperor might seem generous but often at a cost, exerting control and pushing compliance. True kings, however, are rare; they bring integrity, social standing, and the qualities women genuinely desire. Recognizing these types is essential, as a lack of awareness can lead to choices that compromise your well-being.
To start moving in your best interest, take a close look at the people in your life. Who can you call on in times of need? Who consistently supports and uplifts you? List every person you can truly rely on; this becomes your safety net. If someone doesn’t make that list, their role in your life may need re-evaluation. Naivety often leads to misplaced value on people who contribute little, causing some to neglect those who truly care in favor of a “page” or a fleeting “emperor.”
Assess who adds value to your life and who appreciates you for who you are. I’ve seen friends risk everything for men who couldn’t support them when it counted. Men who played games while the women lost out. Don’t fall into that trap. This is where self-concept is essential—it allows you to honor your past, act intentionally in the present, and shape your future self.
Set standards, boundaries, and non-negotiables. Know the rules of your game and the cost of losing. Are you someone who lowers your standards for “pages” or enables those who can’t support you, or are you a woman whose boundaries allow only the highest caliber of partners to approach? Choose with clarity.
Here’s a practical guide for assessing men when it comes to safety, security, and emotional fulfillment. This process is grounded in self-awareness, clear standards, and careful observation, helping you to identify qualities that align with your needs and values.
Step 1: Define Your Standards, Boundaries, and Non-Negotiables
Start by identifying what safety, security, and emotional fulfillment mean to you. Establish your standards and make a list of dealbreakers to help you navigate relationships with intention.
Safety: What behaviors or qualities make you feel physically and emotionally safe? Examples include respect for boundaries, emotional stability, and consistent communication.
Security: What level of financial, emotional, and lifestyle security do you need? Determine if qualities like responsibility, dependability, and a stable job are essential for you.
Emotional Fulfillment: Identify the emotional qualities you need. Look for a partner who is communicative, supportive, empathetic, and genuinely interested in your growth and well-being.
Step 2: Observe Actions Over Words
Pay close attention to his actions, especially over time. Actions tend to be a more reliable indicator of character than words.
Consistency: Look for someone who keeps their promises and follows through on commitments. If he says he’ll do something, does he follow up?
Respect for Boundaries: Notice if he respects your boundaries. A trustworthy partner will not pressure or guilt you into doing things that make you uncomfortable.
Emotional Availability: Assess his willingness to discuss emotions honestly and openly. Does he validate your feelings, or does he deflect or invalidate them?
Step 3: Assess His Approach to Communication
Good communication is foundational for safety and emotional fulfillment in any relationship.
Clear and Open Communication: Notice if he communicates openly and clearly. Someone willing to discuss concerns without becoming defensive is more likely to handle conflicts constructively.
Empathy and Active Listening: Pay attention to how he listens. Does he make an effort to understand you, or is he quick to make everything about himself?
Conflict Resolution: Observe how he reacts during disagreements. Does he work to resolve conflicts respectfully, or does he resort to blame, manipulation, or stonewalling?
Step 4: Gauge His Level of Stability
Stability—both emotional and financial—often contributes to a secure relationship.
Financial Stability: Financial responsibility is an indicator of a stable lifestyle. This doesn’t necessarily mean wealth but rather an ability to manage resources wisely.
Emotional Stability: Look for signs of emotional maturity, such as handling stress healthily, avoiding impulsive decisions, and not lashing out in anger.
Supportive Network: Does he have a healthy support system, such as friends, family, or mentors? This can indicate that he has a balanced life and is not solely reliant on you for emotional support.
Step 5: Observe How He Values and Prioritizes You
A man who genuinely cares about your well-being will show you through his behavior.
Effort and Investment: Note whether he makes an effort to spend quality time with you and to get to know you on a deeper level.
Support for Your Goals: A reliable partner will encourage and support your ambitions and interests. Avoid men who minimize or discourage your goals.
Generosity and Reciprocity: Notice if he is generous with his time, attention, and resources. A partner who contributes to your happiness and well-being without expecting something in return shows genuine care.
Step 6: Identify Red Flags Early
Be on the lookout for behaviors that signal a lack of safety, security, or emotional availability.
Manipulation: Beware of gaslighting, guilt-tripping, or using your vulnerabilities against you. These tactics are indicators of toxic behavior.
Inconsistent Effort: If his attention and behavior change suddenly, he might not be invested in a serious relationship.
Lack of Accountability: Avoid men who deflect responsibility for their actions, refuse to apologize, or continually blame others for their problems.
Step 7: Conduct a “Safety Net” Inventory
Ask yourself whether this person genuinely adds value to your life and assess your other relationships.
Support and Reliability: Can you rely on him in difficult times? If not, reconsider his role in your life.
Genuine Encouragement: Does he uplift you, or do you feel drained and unappreciated around him?
Assess Your Safety Net: Keep a list of people who genuinely support you and provide guidance. If he doesn’t align with the standards of this list, it may be a sign he isn’t adding value to your life.
Step 8: Review and Reassess Regularly
Relationships evolve, and so should your approach to assessing their alignment with your values and needs. Regularly check in with yourself to ensure that your standards, boundaries, and non-negotiables are being respected and met.
Step 9: Assess His Reputation
Reputation serves as a window into how he interacts within his community, past relationships, and friendships. Here’s how to evaluate it effectively:
Consider the Opinions of Trusted People: Talk to people whose judgment you trust. Friends, family, or mutual acquaintances who know him can offer a balanced perspective on his character and how he treats others.
Past Relationship Patterns: If he has a history of repeated negative behaviors in relationships (like manipulation, infidelity, or neglect), take this seriously. Be cautious of dismissing these patterns as “just the past”; past behaviors often reappear, especially if unaddressed.
Social and Professional Reputation: Notice how he is regarded in social settings and at work. If he has a poor reputation for integrity, reliability, or how he treats colleagues, this may reflect his overall character. Positive reputations often indicate that he values respect and fairness with everyone, not just in romantic relationships.
Observe How He Talks About Others: Does he speak poorly about exes, friends, or colleagues? If so, this may signal a lack of accountability or empathy, which can impact your relationship over time. A person who respects others and doesn’t badmouth them tends to be more emotionally mature and reliable.
Evaluate How He Handles Criticism: Someone with a positive reputation often accepts constructive criticism gracefully. However, if he’s defensive, or if others frequently mention that he doesn’t take feedback well, it could be a sign of deeper issues with accountability.
Verify Consistency Over Time: Sometimes, people may put on a “good front” early in a relationship. Observe whether his behavior aligns with the reputation he has over time. If there’s a disconnect, investigate it carefully before becoming deeply involved.
Avoid Reputation Blind Spots: Don’t ignore or downplay negative information due to attraction or potential chemistry. If multiple people who don’t know each other raise the same red flags, it’s worth paying attention to.
EVOLUTION AND RESPECTING YOUR TRUE CIRCLE