I don’t know who needs to hear this, but they do that to everybody. You weren’t special in the sense that their actions were anything unique regarding how they operate. It felt special to you because you are the main character in your own experience. Anything new will have enough novelty to feel special for you, but it wasn’t special for them—and that is okay.

As people, we see the signs. Sometimes these people have a reputation. Because you are unique—you are you—the experience felt unique and therefore special to you.

We all have patterns, both good and bad. I admittedly have had many patterns. And when it comes to any fallout or breakup, I can honestly say: I do that to everyone. Because I am me. When I am supportive and kind, that is not a unique experience. When I am cold and detached or even discard people, that isn’t new. I’ve been like that.

So, to the person reading this who feels stuck or even annoyingly “special” in that story or instance—you weren’t, for them.

The magic lies in where we help enlighten and break people out of their mold. Sometimes we do provide a unique experience for someone else by how uniquely we act. For instance, I have a little cousin who claims he started rapping because he saw our in-home studio. For him, growing up with possibly detached parents and in less-than-ideal conditions, my lifestyle as a kid was unique and impactful. He was inspired to create at home. He was inspired to use the tools of the pen. Now for me, I’ve brought many friends and family members into our studio. We would play on the mic and write songs. This experience was not at all unique or impactful for me. I don’t even remember him coming over, to be honest—but he remembers.

Now think of a toxic situation. For instance, say a man (which many people in my generation are dealing with) is involved with an avoidant woman who discards him when he gets too close. The shock of being discarded when things seemed to be going well can lead to an array of internal and external consequences. That person may feel “special” because their internal space won’t stop asking why. But if he peeled back the curtain, he may find that she does that to everyone. She discards everyone who makes her feel something, and it has nothing to do with him. He was not special—but the experience was.

The same applies to people who scam. Scammers will try anyone and often have a long list of victims. They have a pattern that they refine over time. They know that the more people they target, the higher their chances of success, and they get better and better.

That person from high school who asks for money? They ask everyone for money. That man who is flirtatious and constantly in your face? Don’t be shocked when he’s been involved with several women in the vicinity. That person who is a people pleaser and always there to help? They help everyone.

After a certain age, know that what you get from people is part of their pattern. If it wasn’t you, it would be someone else—and that is okay. It’s not really about you; it’s about your experience as the main character. I’ve had people cry that they were misunderstood or victims of gossip. They turned out to be exactly what they seemed to be. Talk like a duck, walk like a duck—their reputation spoke for them and was spot on. I didn’t take it too personally because it was their pattern. That’s how they operate, and that is okay (for somebody). Those experiences helped me detach from people’s actions both in and outside of my presence. This is an invaluable lesson.

You have the control. What do you want to deal with, and what do you not want to deal with?

In the words of Jermaine Jackson: “Don’t take it personal, take the bitter with the sweet. Easy come, easy go.”