ALEXANDRIA'S ALCHEMY
ALEXANDRIA'S ALCHEMY
Christmas is a season that often conjures up joy, togetherness, and the warmth of giving, but for some, it also serves as a stark reminder of unmet expectations and how they shape people over time. It’s not uncommon to encounter individuals who claim they “don’t do” holidays or birthdays. While some may simply lack interest in these festivities, for many, there’s a deeper story—a thread that ties back to childhood experiences and the ways their caregivers approached these special occasions.
The Roots of Holiday Avoidance
Children are naturally drawn to the magic of special dates like Christmas or their birthdays. But when caregivers trivialize or outright neglect these occasions, children can grow up associating holidays with disappointment or insignificance. Over time, they may abandon these days altogether, avoiding the emotional sting they once felt.
In my own experience, I’ve always loved holidays. Yet, my parents, shaped by their own upbringings where special dates were not celebrated or prioritized, struggled to make these occasions special for me. Over the years, their indifference began to seep into their approach to my celebrations. But I wasn’t having it.
The Power of Intentionality
I’ve always been a bit of a “material girl,” and gift-giving is one of my primary love languages. To me, it’s not just about the material item—it’s about thoughtfulness and intention. When someone takes the time to consider what matters to me and rises to the occasion, it never goes unnoticed. Conversely, when my desires are ignored—when I ask for something simple and receive the opposite or, worse, nothing at all—it’s disappointing.
This is why I never hide my disappointment when someone misses the mark. I believe there’s value in communicating that intentionality matters. Over time, my mother came to understand this as well. She now tells me how I’ve changed her perspective on gift-giving. She realizes that it’s not about grand gestures but about doing something selfless for someone you care about.
Ignoring someone’s desires, especially when they’re clearly expressed, creates unnecessary friction. While some may brush it off, I’ve always believed in holding others accountable for their attentiveness.
Stinginess as a Red Flag
This brings me to the concept of withholding. In my dating history, I’ve encountered men who outright refused to acknowledge special dates—birthdays, Christmas, or any moment that required extra effort. They’d proudly declare, “I don’t do holidays.” But let’s be clear—it’s never really about the holidays. It’s about the intention, the effort, and the ability to give selflessly.
One man I knew claimed to avoid birthdays altogether, but his caregiver later revealed how excited he used to get as a child during holidays. What does that tell you? Either his childhood experiences of unmet needs pushed him into avoidance, or he’s carrying forward a cycle of hurt, intentionally withholding from others because it was done to him. Either way, it’s a glaring red flag.
Receiving with Grace
As women—and as goddesses—it’s essential to recognize when we’re in relationships or dynamics where our needs and desires are trivialized. A man who cannot or refuses to give is signaling something deeper. Whether it’s a refusal to celebrate special dates or a lack of effort in other areas, the outcome is often the same: imbalance.
When you find yourself over-giving, pouring energy into a relationship, and not even receiving simple gestures in return—like a heartfelt card or an affordable bouquet—it’s time to reassess. This pattern can lead to resentment, burnout, and a sense of being undervalued.
A Holiday Reminder
Christmas, like other special occasions, is a time to reflect on intentionality and the joy of giving. For me, it’s about more than gifts; it’s about connection, attentiveness, and the effort we put into making others feel seen and loved.
Whether you’re navigating relationships, setting boundaries, or redefining how you celebrate, remember this: You deserve to feel valued, cherished, and prioritized—not just during the holidays, but every day.
Christmas is a season that often conjures up joy, togetherness, and the warmth of giving, but for some, it also serves as a stark reminder of unmet expectations and how they shape people over time. It’s not uncommon to encounter individuals who claim they “don’t do” holidays or birthdays. While some may simply lack interest in these festivities, for many, there’s a deeper story—a thread that ties back to childhood experiences and the ways their caregivers approached these special occasions.
The Roots of Holiday Avoidance
Children are naturally drawn to the magic of special dates like Christmas or their birthdays. But when caregivers trivialize or outright neglect these occasions, children can grow up associating holidays with disappointment or insignificance. Over time, they may abandon these days altogether, avoiding the emotional sting they once felt.
In my own experience, I’ve always loved holidays. Yet, my parents, shaped by their own upbringings where special dates were not celebrated or prioritized, struggled to make these occasions special for me. Over the years, their indifference began to seep into their approach to my celebrations. But I wasn’t having it.
The Power of Intentionality
I’ve always been a bit of a “material girl,” and gift-giving is one of my primary love languages. To me, it’s not just about the material item—it’s about thoughtfulness and intention. When someone takes the time to consider what matters to me and rises to the occasion, it never goes unnoticed. Conversely, when my desires are ignored—when I ask for something simple and receive the opposite or, worse, nothing at all—it’s disappointing.
This is why I never hide my disappointment when someone misses the mark. I believe there’s value in communicating that intentionality matters. Over time, my mother came to understand this as well. She now tells me how I’ve changed her perspective on gift-giving. She realizes that it’s not about grand gestures but about doing something selfless for someone you care about.
Ignoring someone’s desires, especially when they’re clearly expressed, creates unnecessary friction. While some may brush it off, I’ve always believed in holding others accountable for their attentiveness.
Stinginess as a Red Flag
This brings me to the concept of withholding. In my dating history, I’ve encountered men who outright refused to acknowledge special dates—birthdays, Christmas, or any moment that required extra effort. They’d proudly declare, “I don’t do holidays.” But let’s be clear—it’s never really about the holidays. It’s about the intention, the effort, and the ability to give selflessly.
One man I knew claimed to avoid birthdays altogether, but his caregiver later revealed how excited he used to get as a child during holidays. What does that tell you? Either his childhood experiences of unmet needs pushed him into avoidance, or he’s carrying forward a cycle of hurt, intentionally withholding from others because it was done to him. Either way, it’s a glaring red flag.
Receiving with Grace
As women—and as goddesses—it’s essential to recognize when we’re in relationships or dynamics where our needs and desires are trivialized. A man who cannot or refuses to give is signaling something deeper. Whether it’s a refusal to celebrate special dates or a lack of effort in other areas, the outcome is often the same: imbalance.
When you find yourself over-giving, pouring energy into a relationship, and not even receiving simple gestures in return—like a heartfelt card or an affordable bouquet—it’s time to reassess. This pattern can lead to resentment, burnout, and a sense of being undervalued.
A Holiday Reminder
Christmas, like other special occasions, is a time to reflect on intentionality and the joy of giving. For me, it’s about more than gifts; it’s about connection, attentiveness, and the effort we put into making others feel seen and loved.
Whether you’re navigating relationships, setting boundaries, or redefining how you celebrate, remember this: You deserve to feel valued, cherished, and prioritized—not just during the holidays, but every day.